One in five Singaporeans are non-religious. Some people left their religion of birth. Some were born into non-religious families but at one point of time, was convinced to stay non-religious after weighing different worldviews. A few took a syncretic approach, taking a leaf from different religions.
To some, the process of leaving faith is a long struggle, with long stretches spent in doubt. For others, it is an easy process and not a big deal. Some remained in the closet forever, fearing backlash. The disparity of experiences meant that often, one freethinker may not always empathize with another’s life journey. This is changing, however, as freethinkers form supporting communities worldwide.
On 26 June 2022, the Humanist Society hosted a Humanist Cafe for freethinkers to share their life journeys in leaving religion.
Overall, facilitators observed several differences in experiences between those who leave the Abrahamic faiths vs those who left non-Abrahamic faiths. Such differences are deep enough to influence their overall outlook on religion, leading them to approach Cafe with different objectives.
This requires the Humanist Society needs to tailor our approach to their varying needs.
Becoming freethinkers
For participants who left Abrahamic faiths, they usually found some teachings unacceptable to the point it is no longer tenable to continue believing.
For example, one person found it unacceptable that his religion condemned non-believers to hell, even though they are good people he knew personally, such as classmates and friends. This condemnation was more unacceptable given the fact the religion taught that God created everything, and is thus responsible for the flaws of his creation.
Another former believer cannot accept that they had to pray to God to help most unfortunate, eg. the starving children in Africa. He asked, if God is all-knowing and all powerful, shouldn’t he know what to do? For another former believer, the religious teachings were found to hypocritical and at times conflicted with feminist values.
In contrast, for those who left a non-Abrahmic faith (Buddhism and Taoism in this case) , the process of leaving faith wasn’t really caused by strong opposition to certain tenets. Taoism and Buddhism were present in their lives as part of family culture, but they were never really deep into it. And over time, as these cultural practices faded from their lives, they became freethinkers by default.
There were also some who were freethinkers all along. Interestingly, there was a significant overlap between those who considered themselves both freethinkers and Buddhist/Taoist when they grew up. It is possible that many freethinkers regard Buddhism and Taoism more of a cultural thing than a religion that must be strictly believed.
Reactions of family and community
For participants who left Abrahamic faiths, they had the hardest time leaving their faith. The difficulties can be external (opposition by family, community) and internal (difficult to forget the teachings).
For one ex-believer who experienced external opposition, his friends and family didn’t react very well to his apostasy. He was called a disbeliever and a heretic. It was very difficult for him because such remarks came from people he grew up with. He felt invalidated. However, as time passed, he got used to it and his non-religiosity became routine. He found solace in the reading of history, learning about people who have left faith in the past, and remembering that he’s not alone in this.
For another former believer, the difficulty was internal. Growing up in a Christian-majority country, he spent many years in Sunday school where he learned to pray daily and have constant conversations in his mind with a higher power. Over the years, Christianity became really ingrained in his mind. When Richard Dawkins’ book, The God Delusion, came out in 2007, he picked it up at the airport while in Singapore. Even though he already agreed with many of the arguments by then, it took him three years to fully change his mind about Christianity, a process he described as a long and difficult one.
Another former believer who left church experienced loss of friends, but was lucky to have non-religious family members for support.
For participants who left non-Abrahamic faiths, they had very different experiences. Their families, even though Buddhist/Taoist, were not very religious to begin with, and were also syncretic — praying to every god available, even the Abrahamic ones. They didn’t experience much opposition from family members and never bothered to ‘declare’ their irreligiosity. Some of them got invited to church, but they remained unconvinced. For one participant, he just wanted to live a life true to himself.
For another participant, he felt he was a freethinker “by nature” and eschewed labels. Instead, he prefers to accept anything that makes sense, find out everybody’s thoughts and then filter it with reason. It was in this context that he came to the Humanist Cafe to find out what humanism is about. Nonetheless, he also regards himself as a ‘nominal Buddhist’ while growing up. Even though he did go to the temple and even joined Buddhist societies and attended Buddhist talks, he didn’t want to go too deep into the religion. He felt that if he goes too far into the religion, he might misunderstand the religion, or will not find happiness.
Conclusion
The anecdotal experiences shared at the Cafe revealed two very different experiences undergone by freethinkers leaving Abrahamic and non-Abrahamic faiths.
People who left Abrahamic faiths often experience a ‘hard landing’, starting with strong objections against its teachings, making a clean break from the faith and then experiencing external and internal struggles. People who left the non-Abrahamic faiths of Buddhism and Taoism, at least in the Singapore context, experience a more ‘gradual drifting’ away from the religion of their birth and usually do not encounter much opposition.
Given the diversity of experiences, those leaving non-Abrahamic faiths may not fully empathize with the struggles of those leaving Abrahamic faiths until they listen to their stories in person. It is important for the Humanist Society to continue peer support to those who receive ‘hard landings’. Over time, good documentation of non-religious stories can help bridge such differences in experiences and help create a better supporting community.
