Seven years is a long time, as long as three of the four MNCs I used to work for in my 26 year career before HSS. I see things like Darwin sees evolution, something that volunteers with a couple of years at a stretch do not and cannot see.
I was taught in school , that the natural human temperature is 36.9ºC. This, to me was gospel , till 2003 SARS. Fast forward to our recent Covid-19, and the spate of temperature measurements to get into public facilities, I have been measured anywhere between <35ºC (Lo), to 36.8ºC, that highest reading was the time I gave blood. Humans, in reality, are very nuanced.
Science is a not a goal
In 2014, a potluck gathering at Cashew Condos, the ExCos and volunteers (I was the treasurer then) were so busy preparing the spread, that we neglected talking to the participants at first. Colin France, a visiting Brit, told me this : “For a bunch of humanists, you people certainly do not behave very humanly.”
Science is not the goal. Organising is not the goal. People, is the goal.
The “People thing”
When we move closer to handling people, we move closer to the social sciences side. We begin to talk about correlations. Prefix is “co-” or together, and main operator “-relations”.
Our insecurity of having to be a good host, having to stuff calendars so we are seen to be active, having always to talk sense, weigh heavily on us being just ourselves, just human.
They distract us from knowing the underlying reason why people join religions, and their difficulty in leaving religions. Emotions are our (many members’) insecurity, and rationality our security blanket.
Our insecurity in dealing with people in a deeper way, even among members and our own community, have us gravitating towards science and rationality, and dictated how our own resources are used to organize things.
Vulnerability and Taking Offence
When I walk the way of discursive discussions, I really am exploring the various angles for the best approach. Standing where I am to take the first photo – that is functional, and I can get my shot that way. If I am to move around a bit, explore all the angles, and even move the furniture a bit, I will get the beautiful shot I want. Some will call me lacking an objective or wasting time, and even call this ‘photography analogy’ metaphorical, anecdotal, allegorical, without real life Science relevance.
I had an American boss – Craig Wxxxxxxx, 2001 – 2003, in his 50s when I first worked for him. Many people despised him, because he wore his feelings on his sleeves. I couldn’t stand him initially, because he would scold me, hence putting me down in front of others. A couple of months after working for him, I had considered leaving my job.
Just right about then, I noticed one thing : (1) Craig did that to everyone – scolded everyone in the office in the presence of others, which oddly meant that ‘he was fair’ and didn’t only pick on me; and (2) if I gave Craig five minutes to blow his head off, he would always calm down, and ready for me to plant solutions in his head. I became the son he never had.
Some of us are very high strung, but we use rationality to mask things. Some of us joined HSS with an agenda, with an ax to grind. We may on the surface say “it doesn’t matter” when we get stepped on, but deep down we harbour a very deep grudge towards the other. We hide the truth, and try to rationalise that away. This is no different from if I had gone to church just to court a girl, then rationalise by telling the whole world “actually I heard the holy spirit talking to me”. We tell the religious they should not feel offended. But really, we are the ones who really cannot stand each other sometimes, and we discount the same person before he or she even utter a word on a new subject.
I had stepped on egos. I am sorry. And I will always find a chance to reconnect. I open my underbelly to you , and give chance to religious people. Because they are people. Some call me weak, some call me incorrigible, some even call me stupid, some call me foolish…
“If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid” – Epictetus, c 120CE.
So I must be the person who wants to improve the most, and improve HSS’ standings.
My personal agenda
Some had wondered about this for a long time, especially when I am perceived to be not being able to let go, or that I want a higher office than the President of HSS. But, what’s my personal agenda ?
“I want my sons to grow up in a society where they do not have to think that desirable girls all go to church.”
I do it for young people, and the future. Too simple ? It is true though. If you buy me beer … I will peel another layer for you. Ability to tell doesn’t translate to willingness to tell. Know that.
How I ran HSS
NGOs work inverted pyramids, with members/customers on top, and management the lowest rung. But leadership is important, and don’t be prescriptive, which is what I still see a lot today : concoct a solution then start looking for the problem. AC Grayling reminded me in 2013, when he was in Singapore for SWF, that “if the only tool you have is a hammer, all problems begin to look like nails.”
My leadership, I feel, is to show people through the things I had done, that many challenging tasks are possible, and there are many angles. I throw tasks to volunteers, and ask them to write on issues, to run events. I sometimes end up doing them myself, because of poor internal response. My way of encouraging volunteering, is to tell volunteers, “if you are interested in doing it, I am interested in supporting you”. Don’t curb others’ enthusiasm. We often do not know what we want, but we know what we don’t like. This is the heart of atheism, and it frustrates me – focusing on the negative, the blame game.
No two volunteers are built the same, and they don’t come to us fully charged. A Frank Young is as important as a Tan Xiuqi. Don’t be transactional with them. Be relationship-py. Winning their hearts is the only way, because they are not paid. Use soft skills – which is not only about what you say, but how you say it.
“IQ & EQ are not mutually exclusive. They can co-exist” – Adrian Chia, HSS AGM, 2018.
The currency for volunteering with us isn’t science, or being right – it is the care and “the people thing”.
Why are religions successful ?
Humans are not entirely rational creatures, but we can act rationally.
Religious people will ditch the most basic rationality just to be in their community. Us ? We will burn any one in our track just to be proven right, the smartest in the room, the most rational. Do we now see why we find it hard to foster a big and strong community ?
“You cannot reason someone out of something he or she was not reasoned into” – Jonathan Swift, shared by AC Grayling again.
God, was not appealing, when He was high and mighty, and still didn’t stop natural disasters. Jesus was human, and brought things into people’s hearts. Jesus still didn’t stop natural disasters, but he built the greatest community.
Show people we can come together. Leave our egos at the door. Promote ourselves, humanist rituals, be silly and vulnerable, which is different from being stupid and weak. Open our hearts to another. Do StarFish.
Delight someone
Compassion is not about high SES (social economics status) to low SES : compassion is about giving others the love and attention when they needed it. Saying sorry, saying thank you, “thanks for the pizza, the salad”, “thanks for your place, Sham, for PSG”, “thanks for the flowers, guys”. Look the person in the eye, give a non-#MeToo hug… can all be compassion.
“The objective is not in winning – it is to be invited back to play every time. And don’t be seen to be an asshole.” Chatham House Rules (can’t name speaker), PSG, 2019.
Invigorate the volunteers
I think it is time to set new goals for ourselves, for HSS, which in turn will drive activities. At January’s HSS volunteer meeting, we decided we will try to search for a new motto, a tagline, to better translate goals onto ourselves, to explain ourselves to others. I can help here.
As I am a ‘mere’ volunteer now, inspire me. Use me. Let me be the green Jedi ghost who can still hang around.
I will end here with a poignant, yet sobering note, and my hope for my community and volunteers :
“Before we free others, we must first free ourselves.”
Tan Tatt Si (President 2016 – 2020, treasurer 2014-2016, volunteer 2013 -)
