From proselytist to anti-theist: sexuality as a trigger

I lost my faith over a period of months, when I was about 15. It was a slow and gradual process, as I had been raised by a mother who was a fundamentalist. She believed in the existence of demons, and other evil spirits, and so did I.

When I was in secondary school, I didn’t make too many friends, as I was busy proselytizing, and telling all the Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims and queer individuals in the immediate vicinity that they were doomed to hell for their belief in the wrong God. This being a Christian mission school, I never got in trouble with the administration.

The irony of the whole situation was that I was also starting to discover my own sexuality, and that I was attracted to individuals of both genders. I would be damning people to hell, and then rushing to meet boys after.

A close friend of mine who was both gay, and an atheist, began to prod me to examine my beliefs, as he would say, “since you pride yourself on being a logical person”. I began to read the bible thoroughly, cover to cover, and the conclusions I reached were inescapable.

What finally led me to renounce belief in immortality was my fully coming to terms with my sexuality. When I accepted that I was bisexual, I realized that I couldn’t in good conscience, continue to believe in an all-loving God who would send me to hell for sleeping with people of both genders.

From that point, I accepted fully that I had become an anti-theist, and have been proceeding along that route ever since.


This story was first published on ‘Ask An Atheist – SG’ Facebook page in 2016.